Serious problems - financial or moral advice please?

Ok this is a bit of a long one, but I really need help with this one. Ok, here goes:


My mum is a property developer and my dad is a builder but has quite severe mental problems which means that he can't leave the house and doesn't trust a lot of people and therefore does not have a job. A few years back they bought their dream house which is in the middle of nowhere, no neighbours (which my dad loves). It was a shell when they bought it and my dad has been working at building an extension adding floors, new roof, windows doors, generally making it in to an amazing house that he plans to spend the rest of his life in.


He dreams of doing odd building projects for his mate who is a businessman, living off the land and staying in that house forever. My mum wants to get rich which is why she got in to the property developing business. She has four properties all with a mortgage, one being the dream house my dad lives in, two she is renting out and the rent just covers the mortgage rates, and the fourth she lives in herself since splitting with my dad.


Last year she was rushed to hospital with heart failure, now this wasn't a clot that could be removed, this was something rare where her heart shrunk and would not pump. She was transferred to harefield hospital which is the specialist heart hospital. It was a miracle that she survived and now will be classed as disabled for the rest of her life.


Whilst in hospital in a critical condition she was still trying to sort out the finances for the house but she couldn't keep it up and now she is in arrears on everything. They have increased all mortgages so she can't afford to pay them, she now has loans and credit cards which she also cant pay. All houses have decreased in value. One is 拢10,000 negative equity. One would just break even. The one she lives in would make 拢20,000 if sold but she would then have no where to live. The only way she would get out of this mess is to sell the house my dad is in but she refuses to do it because a) it will leave him homeless b) he said he would refuse to leave, and c) she fears he will commit suicide. Now whether any of these things are true or not is irrelevant. She WILL NOT sell it and there is no persuading her otherwise. Plus at the moment she cannot sell any as they are all in arrears and soon they will all be up for repossession.


She is getting disability allowance from the government but this isn't enough to cover it plus they are giving her even less because in there eyes she owns four properties so does not need the money. My dad would never seek help for his mental illness as he does not believe he has one.


The issue now is that my mum has asked me to put her house and my dads house in to my name, which would mean i take over the mortgages. This isn't because she wants to pass the buck, it's because she feels she can afford these two mortgages and by handing them to me it will also reduce the payments quite dramatically and she can then declare herself bankrupt and just concentrate on paying those. My concern is what happens if/when she can't pay them, I certainly cannot afford to pay them myself, I will go in to arrears myself and I live with my partner and his which this will affect. My partner is also totally against this idea and we have already had numerous arguments about this. I fear he will leave me if I do this as his main concern is protecting the future of his child.


What do I do? Help my mum out and risk my own livelihood or sit back, comfortable and safe whilst watching my parents fall apart?Serious problems - financial or moral advice please?
';What do I do? Help my mum out and risk my own livelihood or sit back, comfortable and safe whilst watching my parents fall apart?';





Might I say that I have the 'luxury' of hindsight of a similar situation relating to myself and my parents though not quite as complicated as the dilemma you find yourself facing - so I will pass on my hindsight view to you.





Your parents are both adults and should not expect/ask you to shoulder this awful burden they must seek other help - the CAB


will help if asked.





I realise that for a person who has such close bonds with their parents that 'not helping' seems an anathema but if you are to hold on to what you have and go forward in your own relationship then you must distance yourself from any such arrangement however hard that may be for you to do.





Believe me when I say that if you do go ahead with your mother's request and if as I suspect things go even more pear shaped you may find yourself entangled in the nightmare (that I endured) of bankruptcy proceedings where if the official receiver so decides you may end up losing everything and I do mean everything.





I know this probably flies in the face of all you have learnt in life especially about families sticking together etc. and in an ideal world I would agree, but what you are being asked to do is beyond the call of duty as you are already aware it's threatening your relationship with your own family.


So please take this suggestion on board and seek professional advice either see a solicitor or indeed the CAB sooner rather than later.


Ask me if I would do the same for my parents (again) and I would most definitely say No! but then as I said before I do have the benefit of hindsight.


Good Fortune to you..


Serious problems - financial or moral advice please?
Can you afford the mortgages, if you can, it would be a good idea.
Don't take on the mortgages this will not help anyone least of all yourself and your partner. Also as a mum your main concern and priority should be your child not your mother and so you need to protect your financial future.


it's all very sad but your mum has obviously over-stretched herself by taking on four houses and this is the consequences. if she continues to refuse to sell any of the houses including the one your dad is in she will become bankrupt and have to give them all up anyway. if her priority is your dad she needs to sell the other three, get a job, and live in rented accommodation. if she is still worried she can get free financial advice.


did she not take out PPI? This is what you use in the case of illness meaning you can't pay off the mortgage for however long and means that the insurance will cover the payments? because if she didn't I'm sorry but that was not a wise move.


good luck :-)
from what i can tell, u don't have a problem.


leave ur dad alone. his home may be his only


security blanket and sanity.


unless your mom deserves to be ignored for some reason,


help her.


if your man loves u and his family, then he will support u.


if he cares more about money than u then u r in the


wrong place anyway.


once u help ur mom, rent the homes to people who can


afford to pay the mortgage bill.


don't make the rent too expensive...perhaps just enough


to cover the bills for each house.


if your mom gets worse and can not handle things,


then have someone to rent to own or sell them.


there may be plenty of travelors who may need a place


to live while visiting your town. rent higher to them...


make it seasonal. there may be other ideas like


advertising it as a small get away for newlyweds,


anniversary celebrations, etc.


there are ways to make money on homes and there


are ways to get rid of them.





if things get too big then just sell them w no profit


just to get them off your hands.





btw = i would not suggest this, but when i was young, a friend of a family member had similar problems. the main point was that the house was fussed over in a divorce. someone thought of the fire insurance money and torched the house. when the money came, it paid the bills and the rest was split. i never forgot that.
Hey pal





You do indeed have some dilema, however i think your first loyalty is to 'your own' family unit, and i fully appreciate that you probably do have a very good relationship with your parents, but consider this.





When things where good for your parents they never considered transfering their assets into your name, and if i am to be brutally honest, i think to some degree they have become victims of their own greed, and i firmly believe that one should always try to keep a few pennies aside mindful of unforeseen eventualities.





I think that your mother needs to adopt a pragmatic approach and consider what she needs to do, which for me means selling her own property, and maybe living with yourself and your partner until she is able to acquire her own affordable property, as she is not the only person that this has happened to.





In addition to this your fathers property is also at risk so i would strongly advise that between you all you need to consider how to acquire a property that is 'realistically' sustainable, which may not be the ideal, but hey ! welcome to the real world.





Your partner is not only considering your childs future, i think he is doing what any man should do which is to consider his family 'first' in which i see no wrong, as when family is involved we tend to make decisions of the heart where business is concerned which is always a very risky proposition (excusing any pun).





Finally, maybe rather than worrying about keeping up appearances, they should consider the fact that the greatest wealth we have is indeed our health.





I think unless your mother takes effective and appropriate action she may well loose everything, so i think this one is an exercise of damage limitation, and i wish your family the best of luck.





ps i am also a great believer in that 'the best lessons for life are the most painful'
First of all I am sorry to hear of all the issues that you have presented here. You must realize that you neither caused them, nor can you cure them. How great it would be to just put a house and mortgage in your name but bankruptcy laws don't work that way. They trace back distribution of assets and what you think of ';bailing them out'; will put you in some serious legal trouble (fraud) as the courts realize what you've done. You are not the answer to their problems. They have become over extended with debts and conditions have changed for them. Medical disability is a valid cause for bankruptcy but does not allow people to keep homes and cars and boats and all kinds of assets which creditors write off the amounts and take losses. You surely can understand that on a legal and business issue. You must bow out of the offer. This is up to your parents to figure out and with an attorney, not with a bunch of Yahoos, pardon the pun.





If your Mom and/or parents file bankruptcy, the finances will be out of their hands. It's pretty much guaranteed that they will have to sell or foreclosure on the property (or more than one) so I'm sorry to say the dream house, dream job, and dream life is now just that... a dream. It's important to live within their means now. This may mean special subsidized housing options or moving in with you or ... I cannot answer their future but they have to realize that YOU can't either.





You have to watch out for you, my dear friend. You didn't cause the problems and you surely can't cure them. It's time for an attorney, financial counselor, emotional counselor, government assistance or whatever it takes to keep your parents from living in a cardboard box but making certain that YOU don't end up in your box or prison cell.





Sorry to be blunt and not have the answer you were looking for.









I do not think transferring the mortgages to you is the appropriate choice. Has she tried refinancing the mortgages? According to your numbers, if she could sell all three of the houses, she'd come out 10,000 ahead. Letting her move in with you sounds better than taking over her mortgages.
What a complicated nightmare you are in. Sorry can't offer financial advice but have you sat down and spoken to your mum about your worries. Do you have any siblings or other close relatives you could share this burden with. Or are there any close friends of your parents you could talk to, it sounds like it would be a lot easier if your dad got help, could you speak to a doctor about him and get advice. Sorry not much help really but didn't want to read and run.





Sue xx
UK? Do not allow her to transfer the houses into yours and your dad's name, if she is going to file for bankruptcy. It is a criminal offence to get rid of property before bankruptcy. You, your dad and your mum could find yourselves in a lot of trouble. To be fair, these are not your debts and you haven't helped her to get into the state she is in now. I can understand your concerns, as she is your mum and you don't want to see her go under. What she is talking about above is not the way to go about it. She has to address the problems herself. I can see your partner's point of view here and I'm afraid there is some tough love for you to administer to your mum. In answer to one of your last questions, I'm afraid that you must let her do this herself, with support from you and the family. You cannot risk your livelihood and your own relationship for someone else's muddle. Make an appointment to see a specialist adviser at the CAB before you do anything else. You can find the link below to the public CAB site to find your nearest one and you may like to look at the PDF which is also on the site which I have put the link in for too. The CAB may also be able to find some support and help for your Dad too. Please can you keep us updated on your descision. We would like to continue to support you in this.
way to much to read sweetheart but i do have advice for a financial situation. VOTE FOR OBAMA