I got married 2 years back but the level of understanding with wife is bare minimal. When ever we have an argument she threatens me with a suicide due to which I cannot argue further and give up on my desires.I am an IT professional working in U.S and here in India for a vacation and Planning to take control of my life. I would like to go for a divorce but I am scared about this dowry harassment cases and all the false cases that can be created.I seek your advice on what are the options available to me. I do not want to discuss this neither with my parents nor with hers. I am undergoing lot of mental trauma due to this.
Thanks in advance.Problems in marriage - Need Advice?
The hype with which media/press has made mountain out of the mole with regard to dowry/cruelty issue in every matrimonial home, sometime I feel I after 27years of marriage or my father in law after 55year of marriage will find both behind the bars for these charges, the media/press has really spoiled the happy matrimonial homes, %26amp; even if a peaceful settlement with regard to dissolution of marriage was possible, the lawyers sitting in the premises of the various district courts %26amp; the various so-called social welfare organizations just misguide the innocent people to indulge in false criminal complaints/proceedings with regard to dowry, cruelty, domestic violence etc. The fuel is added by the media/press in giving to much hype to such issues, even if there are few real cases where these happen, almost every disgruntled wife of the present generation bring this issue on one ground or other even in simple divorce proceedings.
The best thing which both parties in marriage where the marriage is not happening for any reason is to sit down sort out the matter amicably between them, for God sake don't involve your parents or friends in this discussion, come to a simple conclusion either to compromise %26amp; live together as good couple, forget %26amp; forgive previous misgivings, try not to indulge in unnecessary arguments with each other in future, try to keep cool even other party for some reason is in bad mood as this may be because of the his or her official reasons etc OR just call of the marriage by seeking divorce by mutual consent where both of them jointly move the petition %26amp; seek the dissolution of marriage. The issues such as Alimony %26amp; child custody can be settled between both of them without involving any outsider.
I see no reason why a dead marriage be tried to be revived if that has miserably failed %26amp; no chance for the two to live together as husband %26amp; wife, then to bring false criminal complaints in the matter is most misappropriate, after all the young generation is well educated %26amp; understand the implications of making all such false criminal charges against the other, then why do so?Problems in marriage - Need Advice?
It sounds like your marriage was arranged and your never picked your wife. I am wrong then there must have been some character traits of hers that attracted you enough to offer her a ring.
Do you love her?
If you do then go to marriage counseling together and figure out her needs and your needs. Then work on making the relationship work.
If you are through with this relationship -- then see a matrimonial lawyer immediately. First consultation is usually free. He/She will explain to you what to do next.
she is full of ****. if she wanted to kill her self she would of done it long time a ago. if u think u are done with her u guys cant work this out any more then there is no reason for u guys to be together right? y go through a relationship if there is nothing. argument is common in marriage but that doesn't mean ever time u guy get in argument she is threatens u to kill her self that is very immature of her to tell u that. just i would say do what u think it's right.
If you are done with your marriage then move on, she may need help, make sure you have an attorney and explain everything. The next time she talks about suicide call the police they will take her to a hospital for a review up to 72 hours. Don't allow her to threaten you. Life is to short .
shes trying to get attention if she wanted to kill herself she would of done it but id def get her help, and if you want to divorce her do so she just wants attention though as i have been in the mental hosp for wanting to do so when i was 14 she just wants attention
I have gone through your query.first you need a genral counselling regarding the whole issue then a decision can be taken whether to file a divorce or not.
I am a Lawyer, based at chennai.
she is not gonna kill herself if she were gonna do that she would do it without an announcement; she wouldn't threaten all that crap when things get heated... be happy don't be manipulated by a drama queen!
Just try to get to know from her dat whether she loves u. Or take her to a physciatrist and get to know why she does such stuffs n whether will ever she be fine. N den decide if u want to get divorce from her or not. All the best
contact save india family foundation. meet a lawyer. u have to be very strong. if u can prove that she is threatening suicide than it will make ur job easy. find an expensive experienced lawyer
Basic principle is : Where there is fire, certainly there occurs smoke. You must disclose and own the fault in you, in dealing with your soul mate and towards your wife. Please mind yourself and seriously realise the social bonding in you and your wife. The day you have realised your responsibility and are ready to share your true love and affection towards her, no material on this earth would come in your path in breaking the bondage in you and your wife. Another very crucial part of your bonding is having a child of your own from her. At that stage, 60% of your wife's attention will automatically be diverted from you to her child. Hence, you will find your tension over this issue has been released by the same 60% on a whole. Try yourself. Best of luck. Thanks.
I think her threat to kill herself was to try and control you. She may well have insecurities that make her feel like she will loose you. My Sister-in-law had the same problem with her boyfriend. He was obsessive about her and wanted to know where she was all the time. She asked me for some advice and I told her to tell him ';I think we need to slow down a bit and I will have some time to myself. We can go out together in a weeks time. If you don't like it at all then I suggest you find someone else..';
His possessiveness and threats of suicide were making her ill before. But after leaving him for a week and setting a day for a date, she was able to take control of the relationship more and he then stopped being so possessive. The message was clear... Trust me for who I am otherwise find someone else you can trust.
They are happy now and their relationship works and his possessiveness has nearly gone.
My advice for you... it looks like she is frightened of either loosing you or of something else and is resorting to blackmail to keep you or to keep control of the situation. I suggest you tell her you need a little time to yourself to think things over, take a week off for yourself, and give her a date you will be back and that you would like to take her out for a meal and spend some time with her. You could pay for her to do something in that week if you like.
Spend some time in that week thinking over your marriage and yourself. Think of how you can be the best person you can be, not for her but for yourself. You have desires, are those desires causing fear in her, just what is she afraid of? Think it over. If you feel you are having mental trauma, then I would suggest you are allowing the situation to hurt you emotionally. Learn to let go. Be happy regardless if she tries to blackmail you or hurt you.Decide to make good decisions. Be calm and assertive, don't shout or get frustrated.
After the week is up, see how she is and re-evaluate the situation. Has the time apart allowed her to feel that you are in control of the situation?
If she wants to argue etc. let her and agree with her feelings. You may feel she is wrong but she may also be partly right.
Its down to you, deal with your emotions and feelings first, if you are always frustrated, hurt and angry you will never be able to help your wife. If you are clam, understanding and assertive and show that you cant be pushed around you she will most likely want to change and want you. Don't try and change her, she needs time to change herself so be patient.
And my best advice, learn to be happy being you regardless if the relationship ends in divorce or if it all goes well. Love and respect yourself first and don't let your feelings rule your life.
Write down some positive steps, positive things about yourself and what you want to change and read some books on marriage if you like. And then once a week read through your list to reassure yourself and help you refocus.
first of all try to understand her . why fight is taking place on what ground. if u can avoid such part ur half the problem will be over. secondly if she tries to threaten u without any fault of urs try to tape the conversations . now these days its not so difficult to do so , all mobile phones have such features. u can show this her parents if they r sensible they will make her understand. before u contact her parents u spk to her when she in good mood why she is doing so ? if u think basic decency or love is not left any longer then better to say good bye. but u r very right abt this dowry part. in that case tapping the evidence is very important.
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