Problems with Significant Other *Advice Needed*?

My partner's friend is getting married in Jamaica in April. By that point we will have a 6-8 week old baby boy. I'm really not comfortable with him gallivanting off to Jamaica for a week when we have an infant. As well, money is going to be tight no matter what and we definitly can't afford for him to go. I would understand if this was a close friend or family but it's a person he only sees maybe once ever 2-3 months. He compared missing the wedding to missing his child's birth but I don't think their in the same league at all.





Am I totally out of line not wanting him to go?


What should I do in this situation?Problems with Significant Other *Advice Needed*?
It really all depends on two things... #1: How are your finances? and #2: How comfortable are you on him going alone and leaving you alone with a 6 - 8 week old infant, regardless if you have a natural birth or an emergency c-section. The first question is the most important... you've already said your finances are tight, so he would have to give up things in order to go. Is he willing to give up Christmas presents (are you) ? Willing to give up eating lunch out? etc. If there's no money to go, there's no money to go -- don't put ANYTHING on credit, you're ruining your life if you stick to credit as the answer (especially with a child on the way). If you find you *can* afford it, can you cope with him gone? I'll be honest -- the first few months are murder with a newborn. They sleep in 2 - 3 hour stretches, cry often (especially if the baby has colic or reflux, as mine did), or has extenuating health issues (let's not even discuss postpartum depression, which is real and might still be hanging around at 6 - 8 weeks).





In any case, you need to sit down with the husband and talk to him (a real talk). Do some research first -- find out cost of hotels/food/airfare/etc -- and come to the table armed with facts about your budget/finances vs. the cost of the trip. Then, have an open and honest discussion of how your life will change after childbirth (it will). Discuss the difficulties both will face (what if you have a c-section? You're supposed to be taking it easy for six weeks after major surgery... can you do that with an infant, alone for a week? Don't assume you won't have one, either, because it can happen. Is he willing to sacrifice your happiness/sanity to go? Why does he feel this way? Don't let him give you the crap about ';missing a child's birth'; -- a wedding, even of a brother, isn't in the same league and deep down inside, he knows it... that line is a way of playing on your emotions to get you to let him go. Don't get emotional, don't bring drama, just bring facts and a reasoned discussion. Any time he starts to bring emotional drama into the conversation, stop it immediately.





If he still insists on going, even after seeing it's fiscally unreasonable and it creates a potential hardship on you... well, I can't help you there... the best thing to do is just to have a good talk with him and hope he won't be unreasonable. Good luck!





Edited to say: Why the thumbs' down? Is it because it's a rational response not dedicated to beating your husband over the head with a mallet? You know, there's a reason the divorce rate is so high in this country... married couples cannot communicate with each other effectively. They argue, scream, nag, cry, act the martyr, etc, but they don't communicate. Learn to communicate and have a happy marriage... don't and either be unhappy or get divorced. It's a simple equation. If he's really so much of an a-hole that he disregards a well-reasoned and well-presented discussion on why he shouldn't go, then there's nothing that will help her (not even ';putting your foot down';). An a-hole is an a-hole, whatever you end up demanding, so there's no good answer in that scenario.Problems with Significant Other *Advice Needed*?
Well, discuss the finances. Some of my best friends I only see a few times a year because of distance and time. But I would DEFINITELY want to be there for their wedding. See if there is a way he can find the money in the budget to go, and then let him enjoy it. And if you and he decide together that you can't afford it, then it's partly his decision. If YOU make the decision, then he will resent you (and maybe the baby)for it. But if you help him decide, he will only have himself to blame either way.





Good luck.
no your not out of line at all. my hubby wanted to go to vegas with a work buddy next month when ill be 7.5 months preggo and i refused to let him go, i said he cant leave his pregnant wife, and 8 yr old son alone for a week. tell him that your not okay with it, he will have bigger responsibilities to take care of then. tell him you ';need'; him to stay around for the baby and your sake.
You're not out of line..if anythig he is out of line comparing this weeding to the birth of your child. How does that compare?!?!? Maybe discuss w/ him the money situation %26amp; the fact that you have an infant that you BOTH are responsible for.
If you can't afford it you can't afford it, and the baby should come first. His friend will understand.
If the father of my child was going to blow off the family budget, the birth of my child, and my expressed wishes that he stay....I'd kick his assss into next week.





It looks like the new daddy is using his ';friends'; wedding as an excuse to have a week long vacation without the ball and chain on a tropical island.





It's complete bulllshiit and I'd be totally against it too.





The first two months with a new baby are the hardest...he has no business ditching you to go on a tropical vacation...and breaking the bank to boot.





He's being a selfish idiot if he's even CONSIDERING going.


Print this and give it to him, have a conversation about him going...and if all else fails...sic his mother on him.
For one he should not want to go with NEW BABY AT HOME, also with the cost of everything now and having a baby he must of lost his mind. then to compare it to his child being born was just wrong . Tell him this do you know your friends birthday . does he think his friend would do the same for him if it was the other way around. tell him money is tight also with the new baby you don't see why he would even want to go also to compare his baby to someone he barely see is way wrong . I would put my foot down
Men never seem to grow up. It sounds as if he knows that having a child is going to cut a lot of stuff from his life, and he needs to exert his dominance, as in ';I am a man and can do what I please';. But he has to realize that being a father comes first and there is no excuse for him to go, especially if he is an acquaintance. Why not plan a trip with him, just the 2 of you, when the baby is a bit older. You can save up a bit at a time, adn both go, maybe in a year or so, and maybe get friends in on it too, usually resorts give good deals when a bunch of people go together. Let him know that just because you will be parents, it doesnt mean you wont be able to do fun stuff still. And there are more important things to spend the money on, like baby food, formula, diapers, groceries for the both of you....essentials, not trips to paradise.
Look I dislike my significant other so much right now that I can pretty much sympathize with you in a every word I am reading . i say you are NOT out of line.


My significant other wants to go out every week this his friends, I can't go because I am pregnant and because I gotta work at 6am. If i say I don't want him to go then I am psycho and I need to give him space. I don't think is fair at all. I feel like he wants to get away from me and the house every chance he gets. I get so angry. I am the one home tired with backaches and aches everywhere for that matter. And the worst part is he doesn't get it.. I don't think he ever will. He is so close minded when it comes to the real thing he only sees he's own side of the story