19 and having a lot of problems. I need advice please?

About two years ago, I met this guy. Things moved really fast, and I fell in love quite quickly. He was in and out of jail, but I always just chocked it up to a phase he was going through. I was almost 17 and he was 18. I lost my virginity to him, and was pregnant by him. I lost the baby. On 09122007, my parents took me to court. They had a court order in place that I could not see this guy until I turned 18. They had him arrested because I snuck him into my house. He got out on bond, and was staying with a friend of his. It was homecoming at my school (My mom is a kindergarten teacher at a school about 15 miles away from my hometown. I also went to this school. ) and I begged him to come because I wanted to fix things with him and get back together with him. (really stupid I know). He told me he couldn't because he was getting ready to run to atlanta with is friend to get away from the cops up here. I finally talked him into it. We stayed together at the game and the dance, then I had to leave. He met up with an old guy friend and told me he would stay the night with him and would call me later, before he left for atlanta. The phone never rang. That following monday I went to school, and two of my friends came up and told me he was living with these two women and having sex with both of them. Of course I was denying it all not wanting to believe it. I will refer to them as T %26amp; S. S had a little girl, not more than 4 years old. T was S's best friend. My ex lived there for about a month, then was arrested and served 7 months of his time.





We decided to get back together in may 08 (he was arrested in oct 07). After two rocky months, me running away with him, getting emancipated and so on, we are completely done. I gave my whole heart and soul to that boy, because I though he would grow up and I thought he was a good guy deep ddown That is how I justifiedmy actions of running away and sticking with him as long as I did. I loved him, and thought he really was a sweetheart when he wanted to be.





So fast forward a year from us being over. I was visiting my mom %26amp; dad yesterday evening with my two month old son. My mom has this little girl in her room. I will call her L. L's mothers is S from earlier in the story. L came in monday with bruises all over her. L's step mother is a close friend of my moms. The step mom was having a conversation with my mom about L's behavioral problems. Ls mother S, has an abusive boyfriend. S is coming back into town to leave her guy and regain custody of her 5 month old (also beaten) and L. The step mom of L said 'Ms. H, you have no idea what that little girl has been through. She has been beaten and molested' my mom said by who? and she said 'some H_____ guy and another boy' and my mom ms aid';H_____ B______!?!?!' and yeah. My ex had molested and raped this little girl for a month straight when she was 4 years old. He did it along with another guy. The whole month he lived there. This has completely shook me to my core. I blame myself, because if I had just let him leave to atlanta, this little girl would have not had to deal with that. Its my fault she went through this, because I was in love with an ********. How could I have not known?





I am questioning everything in my life. I don't trust my judgment anymore, nor myself as a mother. What if all the other people I have in my life right now turn out to be something that horrible? I mean, I was in love with a fcking child molester. I kissed him, I had sex with him after he did that too her. I feel so disgusting. I have no idea how to deal with this. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't do anything but cry and smoke. How could I have let this happen to that little girl? I helped him run from the police when I should have let them arrest him and him get raped in jail. How could I not know. I really need advice on how to deal with this. I didn't know. No one that knew him knew. Her mother let it happen so my ex wouldn't leave her and he provided drugs to her. Why didn't I just let him go? I can't get this beautiful little innocent girl out of my head. How do I deal with this? I went and saw this little girl. Her step family is very close to my family. Her father just got emergency custody of her and her little brother over the weekend. She was talking about what happened to her. All I could do is just hold her and cry. I dont know what to do anymore.19 and having a lot of problems. I need advice please?
Wow I dont even know what to say.


But all I can say is dont blame yourself!


Its not your fault you fell in love...


Thats what love does! it makes you blind to all the obvious.


I think you are a very strong woman for getting through all of this! I wish you luck and keep your head up!


Once again, its not you fault! That sick b**tard did this to that little girl, not you! I hope he is in jail now! If not, I suggest you try to get him in jail!


god bless19 and having a lot of problems. I need advice please?
you just gotta take some time out of your life like 10 minutes. it wont kill yeah. Just take that ten minutes and think of everything good in your life. Make sure all of the bad is out and just focus on the good. Or as many other little kids would say you just gotta chill ! And doll, you shouldnt be sharing that personal stuff on the internet. If people see how easy going you are, they will hook up with you too just get down your pants!
This is so terrible but you need to know that none of it is your fault, even if he would have moved avay he would have done the same thing to a little girl down there, child molesters dont care where they are they will find a way to meet their aweful urges.





In no way is any of this your fault, you had no way of knowing what he was doing, and I am sure it will always hurt you to think about this man but you have to know it could have happened to anyone, it is not your fault.





You say you have a great husband and a child try and think about the good choices you have made, you married a good man and you have a child who I am sure you love very much. Stay focused on the positive.

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