I have divorced from my husband for one and a half years, I stll love him very much. I married him through justice of the peace the first time, divorced him because I know he cheated, I never proved it, but there were plenty of signs. He then proceeded to make it look like my fault to all of his family. I then begged him back and we remarried through the church the second time, we have 3 children together. Things were going good for a while, then he started a new job and started flirting alot, in front of me, who knows about what happened behind my back, but I started feeling insecure again, so I messed around and got together with a great guy who loves me and who I am still with. Needless to say we divorced a second time. Anyway, this guy I am with is very good to me, however, my heart still belongs to my ex-husband, and he knows it. Well, we've been civil to each other for the kids sake, but last night, he made a move on me, and today he said it was a mistake?I need advice for ex-husband problems/confusion!!!!!?
It's great you get along when it comes to the kids but stay out of his pants! Your kids don't need their parents to go through a third divorce.
And if you can't or aren't ready to move on, break up with the new boyfriend and let him find someone who can give her heart to him.I need advice for ex-husband problems/confusion!!!!!?
You said ';this guy I am with is very good to me, however, my heart still belongs to my ex';. The ex whom you have divorced twice? The ex whom you cheated on with your new guy? The ex who cheated on you?
I think you might be addicted to all this drama. You should see a counsellor if you want to save your relationships with your new guy and your children.
sweetie you need to move on and be with your bf who loves you. if you cant give him 100% of you time heart and energy than you need to let him go on about his business. your ex is respecting the relationship you have with your bf since you are not. you need to grow up and let him go. or you need to stop playing games and leave the bf alone and get back with the ex and communicate you true and honest feelings to him about you and him. life is too short for this back and forth, cheating and lying, and divorcing over STUPID stuff that you cant even confirm. GodBless
You got out of your marriage when you weren't finished with it yet, and you got into this one with that baggage. You can't keep perpetuating the same decisions and expect a different result. If you leave this relationship prematurely just to satisfy the closure you never got with your ex you know it will be a mess.
Why not make a decision you can be proud of instead?
I know what it's like to be in love, and how it feels like you can't possibly live life without the one you love. I know the desperation of even thinking it. I also know that it IS possible to love someone and never be with them. That sometimes for the sake of sanity and serenity we must love them from a distance.
I am also aware of what it feels like to be cheated on, even if there is no proof that anything happened, there was still a betrayal. Even if he never did anything but think it, it's still a betrayal because he dang well knew he was supposed to go to you for all of his needs for friendship, love, sex, flirtiness, grumpiness, everything. You were supposed to be the one woman who got his devotion and loyalty, but it sounds like maybe you didn't (I don't know, but I know what intuition is, and I know it's usually right).
Who knows, maybe you don't have enough proof to convict him, and maybe you made some decisions then with insecurities that you don't care to nurture anymore. There comes a time when we have to be a big girl, and sometimes that requires us dealing with the consequences of our decisions.
But, there is still the fact that you LOVE him. That is a bond that seems to easily come and go, but I know better. I know that there are only a few people we will love even when we hate in this world. I know that the rest are just infatuations that go away when the newness goes away.
I can't tell you what to do, and to be honest I don't even know what I would do if I were you in this situation. I do know that if you decided to go back to your ex-husband that you would be going with double baggage, but that if you two really love each other then anything can be overcome if you are both willing to work on it everyday for the rest of your life (how else do you think people make it, lol). If you went back to him you would need to take off your running shoes and be willing to stick it out forever, no matter what because I agree that continuing to bounce back and forth with him is SCREWING with your children!!!!
They are paying for your immaturity, because they have no choice in the matter. Their lives are changed forever even if you don't mean your decisions once your anger wears off. From what it sounds like you aren't even sure he was doing anything but trying to re ';mark'; his territory and make sure you're still his (by making a move on you). Just like dogs and trees, they don't want someone else to mark their tree, but sometimes they just aren't willing to be loyal to their yard are they??
Children will always suffer from the mistakes of adults because nobody ever asks them how they feel about things. Nobody ever gives them the chance to have an opinion in broken relationships. Of course I know that kids don't really have the tools to know what is best for them, but that doesn't change the fact that they love their dad and want you to figure it out no matter what it takes. Because they need to wake up to parents that love each other every day. They think the sun rises and sets in your butt, and that daddy must be who made all that happen, so of course they get hurt when daddy can never come home again. Nobody asked them if that was ok, and nobody can mourn that for them. They will quietly suffer in their hearts everyday. So if you can't say that you won't do that to them again if he turns out to be unwilling to change, then just make that sacrifice and YOU do the suffering instead. Right now Daddy is gone, and they think that decision is forever. If you can't bring Daddy back forever, then don't tease them.
But if this boyfriend seems to just be a pretend solution, then don't allow them get attached to him when you already know he's not going to be forever either. If you are scared to be alone, learn to be happy with the one person you will be spending the most time with... yourself. Being a single mom is better than being a ';dating a guy you don't love because he fulfills some needs I have'; mom.
But, if this guy you are with seems to be the better choice just by looking at the pros and cons, then maybe you could examine it? See if you can really picture yourself with him in ten years. Find out if you love him, but are just confused because you never got closure with your ex. Ask yourself if you would still be with your ex if you knew he would be faithful? If you answered yes to that you're still not ready to let go of him and that needs to be examined too.
It's your life sweetheart, and it seems to me that you really just need to figure out what you WANT and then make your decisions accordingly. If you are feeling lonely with this boyfriend then maybe you are letting loneliness motivate you, which is like grocery shopping when you're hungry.... it's only ok if you have the money to pay for it all.
Can you pay the price if it turns out you are just lonely?
Are you really prepared to get back on that roller coaster with your ex again? (it may be that you can't WAIT to get back on, lol I know what it's like to miss someone that bad!)
Have you longed to be with your ex everyday?
Do you feel like you are cheating on him by being with your current mate?
Do you feel like this boyfriend was never real to begin with but instead was just you ';killing time?';
Are you just punishing your ex by being with this boyfriend?
If you are ready to walk out on your boyfriend and feel you would not miss him, not feel bad for him, not be angry with him then you already have your answer. If you could just tell him it was a mistake and gather up your things go, and never see him again, then you need to do just that. And you need to not feel guilty about it at all, because if you have just been waiting for a reason, then don't wait another day. Don't wait until you are in a big fight and have a reason, if you don't want to be with him set him free now. That's a decision you can be proud of later because it's the right thing to do. Letting our emotions (which change at the drop of a dime) make all of our decisions has to stop at some point. Because when we are no longer angry, or hurt, it turns out we discover that we are still very much in love and because of allowing ourselves to be blinded by our unpredictable emotions we made a very big mistake. It's commonly called letting our mouths write a check that our butts can't cash. The thing is that when we do that, (particularly in this case), our kids are the ones that have to pay up. And to do that they have to take from an account of funds that is supposed to be their future. Who they will become is determined by what we let happen to them as children.
I don't know what else to say, it seems sticky no matter which way you turn, and I am just grateful I'm not you (once it WAS me, but I didn't leave my husband and though it's still not perfect, I'm glad I had the guts to stay). Hang in there, and if nothing else, just pay attention to your gut. If every thought about doing something just feels icky (whether it's staying with your boyfriend, or running back to your ex), then don't do it, whatever it is. Do the opposite no matter how scared THAT makes you feel. You only have this life to live, so don't waste it trying to make other people happy. Nobody else is going to magically make YOU happy are they? NO!! Because it's not possible, only we know what makes us happy. Even if someone else desperately wants to make us happy they can't, and that's just the way it is, so don't worry about not being able to make everyone happy. At least if you're happy you can be the best mom for your kids, and we both know that children are so precious that they deserve the very best you.
Good luck!
You need serious help. You accuse him of cheating and then go cheat yourself. Your only proof of this alleged cheating is this ';fliritng';, which we can't be sure of now anyway. Cut this new guy loose for a bit and get into soem serious counseling, so you can decide what you want. I don't blame him for callling it a mistake. Women are right- people who cheat do point the finger at the other spouse.
Dose door mat to your first husband sound like a fair description of your relationship To him you could be a bit of a challenge. The chase can be better than the catch. Lets face it he's ';been there done that ';with you now it is a case of ';Lets see if she will come around again';
What sort of a person do you want to be ???
If you are in a happy relationship then why even give a hint of interest. If you are not then why are you in the relationship you are in.
Answer this question.
Who would you let your daughter marry ???
Your X or your current partner
The answer should help you make up your mind.
This one is easy, ';you can't always get what you want. You can try sometimes but you may just find, you get what you need.';
Committ to someone, and get on with your life. Stop always looking for a better deal. Do you like the role of the VICTUM? If you have someone who is treating you good and loves you committ yourself to him and quit ******* around with your looser x-husband. Trust me, you will live longer and be at peace.
Good Luck
if you didn't have children i would say that the 2 of you deserve each other but seeing as there are children involved STOP PUTTING THEM THROUGH HELL AND STOP THINKING OF YOURSELF AND MESSING WITH THESE POOR CHILDRENS HEADS, ITS BAD ENOUGHT YOU HAVE SCREWED UP YOUR LIFE STOP SCREWING UP THEIRS AND BEING SO SELFISH
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